The Many Faces of Fear

I’ve let fear rule my life in more ways than I have truly been aware, and today every message I have received through people, the TV, my thoughts etc, has been about FEAR. I think fear motivates a majority of what we do in life. It filters our perceptions and can cause us to think irrationally. For me, it’s been a cloak I hide behind quite often. It can show itself in the form of anger when I feel like I’ve been mistreated (I’m sure everyone experiences that).  Anger has been a great motivator for me because that mistreatment can be a subtle way of the Universe or God getting my attention, telling me to take a step back and see myself in a different light.

I’ve had to come out of many situations where I was overcome by fear. I’ve relied on an old familiar adage  that says, “the only thing to fear, is fear itself”. I can only allow fear to control my life if I allow it. I had allowed myself to sacrifice my true person for someone to love me. I never knew I was doing it until one day, I woke up and realized I wasn’t living for myself, but for someone else. It was a subtle awakening. My life revolved around this other person and I just gave in to being an extension of them. When I woke up, I got angry, and made the decision to change. Since then, I have found amazing opportunities waiting for me, and I’ve taken each and every one of them. I had to make the choice to walk through fear and experience life. If I wouldn’t have, fear would have blocked me and I wouldn’t have found myself on the other side.

Today, I have run up against my old unwelcome visitor. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid that it won’t come in the form that I wish it to be. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but maybe it won’t happen in the way that I expect it. I cannot control it, and I cannot see it. I have to learn to trust that my future is there waiting for me in the form of my wildest dreams. God is in control, not me. When I step back and realize that I am a tiny force in the larger realm of things, I can rest knowing that a larger force is pulling for me … if I have the faith to believe.

Sigh.

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