Creating despite life and its demands, is the area I’ve been contemplating for the past few days. I thought I would have extra time with family in town – not sure where I dreamed up that fantasy:)
It was nice to have baby occupied for short periods of time. Unfortunately I baked cookies instead of painting like I wanted to. I fell off my imaginary diet, hid my frustration in cookie batter, and I’ve been bingeing for two days now.
When I was childless, my main problem was being too tired (I’m not sure of what, since children bring that to a whole new level).Turns out it was just an excuse to avoid the underlying issue of laziness. Right now, I love every minute with my daughter. Looking back though, I wish I had appreciated laziness for the luxury that it was.
Am I the only one who has this love hate relationship with their art? Why would anyone avoid something their crazy about? We don’t do it when we fall in love with someone. Why is it different?
One way I have motivated myself over the years is writing in my darkest hour. Not because I’m bent toward wallowing, but it was a spark for creativity. Creating when life doesn’t make sense usually helps me wipe away the smudge on the glass so I can see clearly. These unseen, unsettled issues cause me to reflect and write. On the flip side it can cause me to ignore my creative love. Who wants to look at the ugly face of life and confront it? I’d rather shove it down and keep moving. I know too well though, that if I choose to do the latter, it can cripple me.
I realize that I need to find ways to create every day, regardless if I’ve classified it as a good or bad day. Whether I have laundry or I’m short on time because I’m taking care of my family. The key is to create in the middle of my mess, whatever that mess may look like. I guess that is what lunch at work is for (even that is a challenge).