I recently started a new job (this week), and I’m amazed at my poor behavior! I’ve been acting unreasonable and I’m obviously a glutton for punishment. For the first time in five years I am not stressed and exhausted. I am actually enjoying a day for what it is – a do over! Yet, I find myself needing to feel the busyness and the frustration of the past.
My poor behavior stems from my addiction to my dysfunction. I have felt like someone took my batteries out and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been in this place before; I recognize the symptoms. Rewinding to the years passed, I remember I tried to train myself to be lazy. I wanted to prove to myself that I could sit still and relax. I never fully made it, but I got close. Now when I have down time, I sit and do something….like read a book or blog, or …. I just can’t sit and watch T.V. It’s not in my nature, and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with, is a need for false usefulness.
With that, I realize that I need to retrain myself to do less. It makes my teeth itch, but I feel so much lighter not carrying a load of stress on my shoulders. It startles the soul, like a splash of cold water on the face.
I guess this is a lesson to learn over and over and over again. Each time I have walked this way, I have adopted something permanent in my spirit. Prioritizing and learning to live carefree regardless of the chaos around us, is the key to this life. It passes us by all to quickly. It’s hard, but if we slow down and take a deep breath, we may be able to conquer this invisible monster that sucks our lives away piece by piece.
My motto is this…(and it’s important to remember) life and all it’s little bitty problems will be there tomorrow, I promise. Enjoy today for what it is. You only get one shot at it!